Firstly one of the main things you need to consider is the sense of loss you or your partner may feel that your genes will not be passed on to your children. This will show in very different feelings between you and your partner as one of you will almost certainly be genetically linked to any child. You may feel resentful, sad, and nervous - so many emotions will go around in your head.

You will also have to consider how / if / when you will tell your child how they were conceived. Current thinking is that secrecy is not in the best interest of the child, they have a right to know about their genetic origins. If you decide to tell your child, it is very important that you are ready for the world to know as well!!! Children do not keep things quiet and nor should they be asked to as that in itsself can make the child feel as if they should be ashamed.

Since April 2005 donors have to give identifying information which would be available to your child at 18yrs should he/she want to contact the donor. The donor is not given any information other than if any/how many children were conceived from their donation, the gender of the child and the year of birth. You will need to face the possibility that your child will want to contact their biological parent at some time in the future, how would you cope with this? Remember again this will be a very different experience for you and your partner - one of you will have the “advantage” of being genetically linked to the child – this can make you feel as though you have a much more secure role in your child’s life.

Any child born to you will be legally yours (if conceived in a HFEA clinic) you will be named on the birth certificate and will be completely responsible for that child. Whatever situations may arise. The donor has no legal relationship or financial responsibilities to the child.

You need to think about the possibilities of siblings you maybe able to freeze embryos / store sperm to possibly create a genetically linked sibling at a later date. Sometimes however, this may not be possible, how would you feel if your child could not have a sibling using the same donor. It is vital to remember that the donor has the right to change their mind right up until the moment the embryo/sperm is transferred. This fact can influence the length of time people leave it to try for a sibling if they feel using the same donor to be important. Do not forget if your donor was someone who donated pre April 2005 they will still remain anonymous.

Having considered all the things above and lots more as well, if you do decide to go ahead with this route I wish you all the luck in the world and I hope that by reading this you have not been put off this journey, but made aware of a few of the things to think about and discuss to pave the way for a potentially wonderful new beginning.

Article written by Victoria Allen who is a holistic fertility therapist.

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